End of the semester

So this semester is almost over and I feel sad to say goodbye but I am happy that I have made so many friends and I get to meet new people and learn new lessons next semester. To recap it has been awesome I have some of the most amazing roommates and friends. I have grown up and I have found myself even more. I still am not fond of all this snow that never ends, but I love Idaho and I love my life. I am excited though also because I am going to go and do community service for a week in lower Idaho. I will be fixing up an old boy scout camp so I get to paint a pool and do all kinds of cool things. We also are supposed to go canoeing and other cool things. Life is awesome here in Idaho and I am glad I decided to go to college here.

Lessons

So in life I believe we are here to learn and thus everyday we have things we have to do and we learn lessons. Even if they do not dawn on us right away we have much to learn. We are always working on ourselves to be better people and we are always learning. It makes life sweet and gives us new lights on things. I love learning and the lessons we learn. I am grateful for the fact that I can teach others and I can be taught. Besides let's face it if we did not have lessons then we would always act like little kids. Sometimes life gives us hard knocks, but there is always something to learn and grow from them. That is how life works and I am glad that life is like that. I love my life because I am always learning. That is life and how it works and i love it as much as I love everyone who shares it with me.

Making bread

Ok so for the record I love to cook and I love to bake. I especially love to make bread. I love the fact kneading bread is extremely relaxing and the smell of fresh bread that permeates my place just makes the place just feel like home and add this nice flair to the place. Also homemade bread is better for you than what you get in the store since you know what is in it concluding you made it. They also make great gifts and show you care since you obviously took the time to think of the person you are giving it to.
Whole wheat bread recipe:
2 eggs
1 packet of yeast
1/3 cup of brown sugar
3 tablespoons of honey
2 cups of whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon of baking powder
1 teaspoon of salt
1 1/2 tablespoons of melted butter
2 cups of buttermilk (I only used one, then again I also did half white and half wheat flour)
1 teaspoon of baking soda

Mix together and set aside for about and hour till risen
heat oven to 400 degrees
stick the dough in a loaf pan and bake for about half an hour (till a knife comes out clean)

The right thing

I have found that sometimes doing what you know what is right versus sticking with someone you care about is not always easy. The thing is sometimes a person needs help and sometimes doing the right thing is the only way. This can cover basically anything like someone breaking major school rules to someone doing drugs. Sometimes people need help that you cannot give them unless you do something like check them into rehab when they are least expecting it or telling on them so they will get a wake up call. I am not talking about telling on someone for something stupid though, but something that could put their life in danger. You do it out of love, not revenge or some sick satisfaction. They may not realize you are helping them, but in truth you are. It hurts sometimes to do what is right. It is a lot easier to simply ignore a situation and move on with your life like it never happened, but then they may do something worse with worse repercussions. For example last year I was on a bad track and someone told on me. I was angry at first, but it all worked out and I am a better person from it.

Bad memories

Something happened tonight that brought back some memories to me. A girl I know was laughed at because of her lack of social skills. She did not even realize it, but I did and I felt for her. I felt hard. I tend to be very sensitive to others and how they are treated. That is why I am in psychology is because I want to help those who need help. I felt horrible, but I know there is nothing I can do about it. The reason this bugs me so much is because I have been there. I used to be the one being laughed at because of my deaf accent and I was kind of goofy in middle school. Granted in my case I guess some say the ugly duckling became a swan and I have good social skills, but I remembered what it was like and for a split second I felt like a part of her. Yeah granted for me middle school was eight years ago, but that is one thing I never forgot was the treatment I was given. This girl first played her violin and it was bad, then she did an encore and I felt bad I looked around us and saw people giggling and looking like "oh no! She's doing an encore!" It was horrible to watch my friend get made fun of. I am glad she did not notice. It is interesting though how we all react to different social situations. This girl needs to work on some things, but so do we all. Some people obviously need to work on not making fun of others if they do not know the situation or where they are coming from. I love the fact that now I can watch situations and help, but it still hurts to see these happen. I guess this is definitely part of psychology. I have a tendency to surround myself with oddballs and what society calls social deviants. I friend them because I used to be one and usually there is more than what is on the surface once you get past their shell. When it comes down to it though we are all social deviants or deviants in general in some way. For example I love to sing in public and do not care who is listening. I also love to feed people. To clear this up I mean I love to cook for people and sometimes I will not even eat my own cooking, but let others enjoy it. I also have a tendency to be really critical of myself but try to keep it low key. Besides these small things I am loud and very blunt. If I have an opinion on something chances are you know it well. Thus in my own way I am a social deviant, but so is everyone else. Others just have a tendency not to embrace their differences as much. They want to fit in, but frankly I think our differences are what make this world what it is.

Friends= therapy

After I finished having dinner at a friend's house I went over to another one's to drop off leftovers. It was interesting though because his roommate was also there whom I consider a friend as well. I find it interesting that when it comes to friends we tend to be each others own free personal therapists. Like tonight I ended up talking to this guy about some difficulties he was having and he was happy to have the food I brought over which he said was amazing. We ended up talking for two and a half hours about what all he was going through and it really made me think. I understand why I am a psychology major is because I tend to be a good listener and I love to give advice. I hand out free therapy by the cartloads and I love doing it. In life though friends are always there for you like I was there tonight to help you out and give you the advice you need and the free therapy that we all need once in a while even if you are a professional. That is why it is interesting that we call friends over the internet friends if we never talk to them and never confide in them at all. They are just people that are there so I wonder what they would do if we did confide in them like we did a person in life. What would they do? They cannot hug us and if we are only using IM they really cannot hear our voices thus we cannot hear the comfort or the tones that talking in person portrays. Even seeing a person is better than simply using facebook because the looks on people's face tell us everything we need to know. Just a fun fact about what I learned today and I am glad to know everyone I talk to I talk to in person and not over messaging.

It's just a ball..... right?

My University tried to break the world dodgeball record today. We had over 1100 people show up and over 200 people came to watch the game. After wards they were handing out free ball to the first 500 people who signed up. I went to claim my ball and my roommate who paid for her ticket, but could not make it since she had become an aunt just a few days before and was out of town. I went to go grab the balls and I got yelled at by a guy for grabbing two. He was trying to impress a girl. Frankly if I was her I would not have been impressed but would have been completely unimpressed. He had just finished the game so his testosterone was high plus the girl situation made it higher. It is interesting though that studies have even shown the aggression levels in things such as sports can raise the levels and thus affecting your behavior right after a game that was as pumped up as this one. Even I know that during a game I tend to get aggressive and am competitive so it was interesting for me to see this usually nice guy's behavior towards me change over a ball. It was just an ordinary ball used in a dodgeball game that did not beat the record. Thus the use of snapping at someone over one is quite interesting to me and shows the influence of games on a person. Although frankly I still love sports and thus will continue to play them, but it is an interesting fact in my mind to what they do to even the nicest of people.

Funny how things work

Last night around 12:00 am I got a skype call. It was from a friend of mine who just recently got engaged and was having some issues. Some friends of his disapproved of his decision to get engaged. Frankly I have seen this couple together and know how much they love each other thus to me their disgruntlement about the engagement is void. Then again they are a couple states away and have not seen how much he has changed. I guess I have to go back to about a year ago and explain. Frankly last year I found this guy creepy and annoying. He asked my ex boyfriend why he never held my hand and got on my nerves. He actually has the title of one of the few people I have ever yelled at and seems quite proud of it. I guess anyone reading this may be wondering why I still talk to him right? I decided to give him another chance. I felt like I was missing something, something big like a huge detail about this guy and it got on my nerves. Thus I gave him another chance. I am glad I did. Since last year he has grown up and has changed. At the beginning of the semester he even apologized for his behavior. Also at the beginning of the semester I talked to him about how things were back home and he explained to me they were not good. Thus me being me I did my best to introduce him to some of my friends and visit him and try to help him out because I noticed he did not really have any that I could see that were up here at that time. This is a decision I will never forget. He thanked me last night because evidently he was having emotional difficulties and he thanked me for being there for him. He told me between me and his now fiancee he does not know if he would be here anymore. I found this interesting that last year I would have cared, but only as a acquaintance. Now I would have lost one of my best friends because he is a really good guy and his fiancee is lucky to have him. I think it is a shame on anyone who finds him "weird" or "creepy" because is is awesome. It is funny how it works though. Sometimes the people you think you would be least likely to be friends with turns into your best friend and the people you think you should get along with you hate. I mean if you think about it though that is kind of how life goes isn't it? We tend to be around people that make us feel good and sometimes we have lessons to learn from them. He has taught me a very good lesson about judging and I am glad to call him my friend. I was glad he could turn to me last night because it showed his trust and I would not exchange that for the world.

Helping neighbors/roommates

This is something I seem to be doing a lot of lately and it is a good thing. It is bringing me joy and I am making friends because of it. In college it seems to me to be a bit of a code to treat your neighbors and your roommates like family and I love it. When someone is going through a rough time it means it is time to whip up a fresh homemade batch of cookies. When someone needs something you are there for them. For example one of my neighbors had hives on her lips and refused to leave her apartment because of it. Lucky for her I know a lot about this subject and came over with cookies, benadryl, and vaseline. As weird as it sounds vaseline will make it go away twice as fast as lotion would. Due to my reaction it feels good to know I made a friend because I was the most help to her. I love the way that made me feel and the fact I got a new friend because I was willing to help and to be a good neighbor. In my apartment right now one of my roommates is basically out of food. I keep finding myself wanting her to eat with me and share my food supply. I love this feeling that I am doing her good and ensuring she does not go hungry. It is never fun to run out of food when you are in college and she is very sporty so she needs the food for energy. Due to the choices I am making everyone in my apartment row knows who I am and knows my good works. I love being known for something good and knowing I can do good even when my life is in turmoil itself.

Opinions

It is interesting that in this world in this day and age all the opinions that arise. I also find it entertaining that I know someone who thinks I am too young to have an opinion even though I am a 21 year old college. Student- then again this person was not around when I was sixteen and was all about helping the invisible children and trying to help save the planet. I love protesting things, but they do not know that about me. What I find interesting is everyone has such different opinions and yet sometimes the strangest things we will share. For example in the middle east the Palestinians and the Jewish community hate each other. They have very, very different opinions, and yet they both are protesting and angry about the fact that certain cities in America are trying to ban circumcision. It is simply interesting the things that bring people together. No this will not stop them from fighting, but it shows a slithering of common ground that has never been seen before. Even here in Rexburg some opinions I have learned to simply keep to myself because I know that others will not agree. Thus there are certain subjects you will find I never voice my opinion even if you think you hear it. Funny thing about the mind it will tell you what you want it to tell you so it will sound like mine, but in reality it may be yours. I think that it what makes life interesting because our different opinions can bring around compromise that can bring around some amazing things. It can bring change which can be good and bad. Also sometimes one opinion can change the world. Thus it is amazing what the mind can bring and I love it dearly. The opinions we have are a part of us, something can eventually change it, but sometimes it is best not to change and sometimes and opinion will never change. They can be unbending as a mountain or spread as quickly as a wildfire,but that is what makes them beautiful. we have opinions about everything and everyone since that is how we think. I love the human mind because of these. Opinion is also part of why I started this blog. Anyone reading this or who has read anything of mine in the past can tell I tend to be quite opinionated. There are things I may never post on this blog, but that is because I do not want to start an uproar and some things it is best just to keep to yourself. In the end though an opinion is something to be respected and in my humble opinion you are never too young to have one. It can be shaped, but it is still there even if it was created by another at some point in time. You can still have opinions of your own even at young ages. That is part of what makes life good.

Being deaf

I find it amusing in this world in this day and age the amount of people that find it amazing when I tell them I am deaf in my right ear and do not wear any device for it. I was born 100% deaf in my right ear and I love it. It is still unknown to the world today why I am deaf and frankly I could not be happier. I have grown from it and it has helped me out. Because I was born deaf I actually got the opportunity to do public speaking in high school. This helped me come out of my shell since I was kind of shy. I am now a very vocal person (hence the blog). Also being deaf is a part of me. No I do not let it define me, but I have to give it credit because it is still who I am and I feel it is more of an advantage to be deaf. Someone reading this may be wondering why. Well the reason is one: I get away with things that a normal person cannot (ex: when I was younger I used to get out of doing my chores with it, I do not do that anymore because I think it is wrong to use it as an excuse or a crutch). Two it is a great conversation piece for when there is nothing else. Three people think I am interesting and cool for being deaf due to no reason.
I still find it interesting that people tend to kind of find it weird that I love being deaf, but in truth i was not always like this. When you have a disability you go through stages of accepting it. Some of us get angry, some try to deny it, some want to try to fix it, and many other things. The last stage for everyone though is accepting it. It is hard, especially if you get teased for it growing up. Luckily for me I never had that but some people have. I went through denial for a long time and I do not regret going through that stage because I realized that it is better to be me than to be someone else because of it. Also because of the denial I worked really hard so I could talk like everyone else, thus I have no deaf accent like a lot of my comrades and only way you can tell is if I tell you. For me this is kind of good because sometimes people try to treat me differently because they call it a disability. I do not think of myself as disabled. In fact I believe I have an unfair advantage of everyone because I have had experiences because of it that most people can only dream of. One of these is the fact that I spoke at Johns Hopkins University and in front of my state senate. Thus making me outgoing. I also have had formal training in public speaking and being a leader. I have met some really awesome people because I have had so many opportunities. Being deaf I also learned the importance of not judging others. In fact I believe everyone is equal in some way (what someone may be better than you at you may be better at in their weakness and so on and so forth.) and sometimes you may not understand someone, but that is the beauty of everyone being different we can learn and grow from one another. No two people are alike. Even identical twins have differences. I also have a deep appreciation for life because of it. Being deaf in my book is by no means a disability. Sure some may have a hard time, but the thing is the difficulties are temporary. You get used to being deaf and then you find the advantages. Granted I do not know what it is like to hear in my right ear, but I know people who were not born deaf. I do not know what I am missing and so for me I love being deaf and I love the worlds I know because of it.
We all have our challenges in life and this I guess for many may be seen as one I have conquered. We can all grow from our challenges if we will allow it and not let it define us. I love being deaf and I love the benefits. It has its challenges but to me these are small in comparison to what I have learned from it. I will always find it amusing when I talk to someone who tries to "fix" me and tell me how to deal with it. I will forever be amused when people start telling me about the technology that is out there for hearing. I know all of them well and none will work since I have a perfect ear and am in the 1% of unknown hearing loss. Thus when someone tells me how to deal with something I was born with I get amused. I think it is cute how animated some people get. Since I am deaf people I guess will always want to try to "fix" me, but how can you fix something that is in that person's opinion already perfect? I am who I am and that will never change even if they do find out what is wrong with me and I eventually do get to hear out of it, it is still something I have had and an experience I have grown from. Being deaf is not a disability, not if you do not let it become one.

Choices

This is something that I tend to be really, and I mean really big on. I believe that everyone makes choices and the fact of the matter of the subject is you can be steered in a direction, but no one can force you to make that choice. Like they say you an lead a cow to water, but you cannot make her drink. I believe this applies to people too.
This topic was kind of brought up with me tonight when I was chilling at a friends house. His roommate was talking about his choices and the fact that everyone at our school tends to think harshly of him for the things he has done. The truth of the matter is no one is perfect, thus some people are working on things others are not and some people are not working on anything and so on and so forth. What these imperfections lead to are the choices we all make. For example talking bad about someone behind their back is a choice. For those people who are LDS a mission is a choice. Some may disagree with me, but it is true. Me even going to college was a choice that I really do not regret.
All of these choices can lead to different directions in your life. They help you to learn and sometimes you have to live a little to learn. That is what life is all about and so these choices we all make are just simply a part of the process of learning. To me these make life beautiful and it is wrong to judge a person based on the choices they make. Especially in the past. The deeper you go back into a person's past then the deeper you may go that you find they may have done something wrong, but they have changed.
You also have to remember that everyone is entitled to their opinion and thus you have no right to judge a person based on something they say. The reason for this is there may be factors underlying their opinion that you may not understand. Thus sometimes it is better to ask why they think something than to simply get mad about their opinion. The reason for this being it is their choice and as skewed as someone's opinion may be there is always an underlying factor to it. Thus an opinion can be seen as a choice that they may have made and so it is better not to simply tell someone they are wrong, but understand why they think that.