Happiness

It is funny how life turns out. One moment you are down and the next you are up. I think when we are in those down points it gets hard to see the good in life and then when things are good all we can see is the good or some people only see what needs to be fixed. However I do not know about anyone else reading this but I tend to forget about the bad and I am happy just being myself and being where I am in life. It is funny that this time last year I was at a very low point since I had to go home from college and they thought I had an illness that I evidently did not have. Right now life is great. I have a wonderful guy, I have wonderful roommates, I am back at college and I am happy. It is funny though how life works out because I never thought I would be happy up here, but I am the happiest I have ever been. Go figure huh? With happiness it has been my experience that you have to look for it. Granted sometimes it will come to you, but when things are bad you can make them better if you only try. Funny thing is what makes us happy. For me it is acceptance and the fact that I am loved. Also getting good grades makes me extremely happy. It is different for everyone though for some people getting good grades will not fix a void and sometimes we are so busy we do not see the love in our lives. It is great to sit down and feel it when the opportunity arises.

Behavioral beurobiology

OK so this is probably my most awesome class this semester at school. First off to answer any questions about it it is the study of the human brain in unison of the behaviors that we exhibit. Basically why it is we do what we do based on the anatomy of our brain. It is also one of the most interesting things I have studied so far. Why you may ask? Well, it is not everyday you get to dissect a human brain and get away with it. Not only dissect it, but I got to research it and figure out where everything is in the brain from all the cranial nerves, down to the midbrain region and medulla. How awesome is that? Or at least to me as a psychology major. It helps to feed my natural curiosity of why we do what we do and how everything works and what makes us tick. Thus for me this class is a playground and dissecting the brain is like the coveted swing- wanted by all but too few for everyone. Anyone who may be reading this and contemplating taking this class I highly recommend it.

Triple X syndrome

Today in choir I sat down next to a girl and did what I usually do. I talked to her. On our way out we were discussing my major and everything and she popped out on me that she has triple x syndrome. This is a syndrome in which a parents reproductive cell creates too many x chromosomes resulting in three x's as opposed to two after the egg is fertilized. This is not genetic and of course it only applies to girls and can have many effects. The ones in this particular case are clumsiness, learning disabilities, forgetfulness, and she has the epicanthic fold which is when gives her an East Asian kind of look even though she has red hair and is obviously Caucasian. Other than that you cannot tell. In fact about five babies are born with this syndrome a day in the united states and out of every 1000 live births there is one person with it, but most are undiagnosed. The reason being for the lack of diagnosis is that most girls with this do not show symptoms besides the fact most are infertile. In fact some girls with this disorder never get their menstrual cycles or they are extremely irregular. Thus it goes unnoticed unless tests are done. Besides what I have mentioned above in some severe cases some girls do have mental illness some other very less minor things such as enamel hypoplasia and widely spaced nipples, small feet, small hands, reduced muscle tone and ovarian failure as well as they tend to be tall. They also tend to have expressionless faces. The reason I know all of this is because I have actually studies this in AP Molecular biology as well as child psychology and child development which is why I was shocked when I realized she did show symptoms concluding the symptoms alone are rare. I have not listed all of the possible symptoms, but to me these are the more common ones. It goes to show you never know what people may have until you let yourself talk to them and try to trust and share some small things (does not need to be too personal though it is up to you I tend to be kind of private). It was cool for me to talk to her though because I was able to soother her with my own hearing disability and my brother's disabilities. I am glad I have made this discovery about someone because it is a gentle reminder to me about what some people go through because you never know until you truly get to know them.

Little cousin

I was thinking today about probably my favorite memory that I have and in a way changed a lot of my thinking. It was teaching my little cousin how to catch blue crabs and shrimp. This happened while I was up in Rehoboth Delaware at a beach house my family was renting. In the backyard there was a canal that led to the ocean and we had a dock. I would take him out almost every night and we would fish. This changed my thinking and made me realize I love children. I actually was not sure before but now I know that I do and I love to teach. I miss that little guy he is only four but that is one of my favorite memories.

Project inspire

So this last week I did something amazing. It is called project inspire. Basically what we do is we go to a certain spot that needs help like this time around we went to a boy scout camp and then we fix it up or help them with whatever they need. It has to be in a certain parameter around my university if it is out of bounds then we cannot do it. This is totally awesome. I never knew that I could learn so much in one week. also we are now all friends. I am planning on doing this again in the summertime because I had so much fun. Also it feels great to be able to help others out and do something selfless. Granted what all we did the tables may rot and so will the signs. The logs will come back and no will ever know what we did, but we know and it is amazing. No one gets credit for our work but we do not care it is about helping others not ourselves. Out of any way I could have spent my break this was the greatest. I do not think there could be a better way to spend my break than doing good because when you lose yourself in service you have a tendency to not only want to do more, but it makes you feel good and you learn more about yourself and you get to meet so many amazing people that you never would have done so otherwise.

Homeopathic care for ear infections

so I have mentioned before I am deaf in my right ear. What I have not mentioned is I get ear infections easily and in general I prefer herbal remedies. Thus right now I am sitting here smiling and enjoying the company of my darling roommate who happens to have an ear infection. Thus I put the treatment I grew up with in her ear. I take one clove of garlic and mince it. I then put it in about three tablespoons of olive oil and stick in the microwave for about 20 seconds. I let it col a bit since it is really hot so I do not burn anyone. I then have the person lay their head down with the ear up and stick three drops in. They then have to keep it in for 15 minutes. This works every time. I am getting a good kick out of her going around with her her head crooked with the medicine in. Our roommates and the people walking by are also getting a good kick out of it. After all how many times do you see someone with a spoon against someone and putting things in their ear? Looks weird, but hey it works. I cannot stop smiling during this process and she will be happy to move around afterwards.

Rose for valentines day

So for Valentines day one of my friend's got me a yellow rose. I went to check on it last week to find it has new growth on it and is still alive and thriving in full sunlight. Evidently I am doing what is called rose propagation. This is the oldest technique of growing roses. All you do is plant a stem and it will grow if the conditions are right. In my case I guess the conditions are perfect. I seriously forget it was in water last week and it has been sitting in my window sill for over a month now. I guess I will be planting it soon since it obviously wants to live and it is a beautiful addition to my apartment. It even has a buddy in a basil plant that is growing in a pot right ext to it. It is really cool and is a good reminder of my friendship since true friendship is everlasting. It makes me smile every time I see it and knowing it is alive makes me simply grin and remember my friends.

End of the semester

So this semester is almost over and I feel sad to say goodbye but I am happy that I have made so many friends and I get to meet new people and learn new lessons next semester. To recap it has been awesome I have some of the most amazing roommates and friends. I have grown up and I have found myself even more. I still am not fond of all this snow that never ends, but I love Idaho and I love my life. I am excited though also because I am going to go and do community service for a week in lower Idaho. I will be fixing up an old boy scout camp so I get to paint a pool and do all kinds of cool things. We also are supposed to go canoeing and other cool things. Life is awesome here in Idaho and I am glad I decided to go to college here.

Lessons

So in life I believe we are here to learn and thus everyday we have things we have to do and we learn lessons. Even if they do not dawn on us right away we have much to learn. We are always working on ourselves to be better people and we are always learning. It makes life sweet and gives us new lights on things. I love learning and the lessons we learn. I am grateful for the fact that I can teach others and I can be taught. Besides let's face it if we did not have lessons then we would always act like little kids. Sometimes life gives us hard knocks, but there is always something to learn and grow from them. That is how life works and I am glad that life is like that. I love my life because I am always learning. That is life and how it works and i love it as much as I love everyone who shares it with me.

Making bread

Ok so for the record I love to cook and I love to bake. I especially love to make bread. I love the fact kneading bread is extremely relaxing and the smell of fresh bread that permeates my place just makes the place just feel like home and add this nice flair to the place. Also homemade bread is better for you than what you get in the store since you know what is in it concluding you made it. They also make great gifts and show you care since you obviously took the time to think of the person you are giving it to.
Whole wheat bread recipe:
2 eggs
1 packet of yeast
1/3 cup of brown sugar
3 tablespoons of honey
2 cups of whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon of baking powder
1 teaspoon of salt
1 1/2 tablespoons of melted butter
2 cups of buttermilk (I only used one, then again I also did half white and half wheat flour)
1 teaspoon of baking soda

Mix together and set aside for about and hour till risen
heat oven to 400 degrees
stick the dough in a loaf pan and bake for about half an hour (till a knife comes out clean)

The right thing

I have found that sometimes doing what you know what is right versus sticking with someone you care about is not always easy. The thing is sometimes a person needs help and sometimes doing the right thing is the only way. This can cover basically anything like someone breaking major school rules to someone doing drugs. Sometimes people need help that you cannot give them unless you do something like check them into rehab when they are least expecting it or telling on them so they will get a wake up call. I am not talking about telling on someone for something stupid though, but something that could put their life in danger. You do it out of love, not revenge or some sick satisfaction. They may not realize you are helping them, but in truth you are. It hurts sometimes to do what is right. It is a lot easier to simply ignore a situation and move on with your life like it never happened, but then they may do something worse with worse repercussions. For example last year I was on a bad track and someone told on me. I was angry at first, but it all worked out and I am a better person from it.

Bad memories

Something happened tonight that brought back some memories to me. A girl I know was laughed at because of her lack of social skills. She did not even realize it, but I did and I felt for her. I felt hard. I tend to be very sensitive to others and how they are treated. That is why I am in psychology is because I want to help those who need help. I felt horrible, but I know there is nothing I can do about it. The reason this bugs me so much is because I have been there. I used to be the one being laughed at because of my deaf accent and I was kind of goofy in middle school. Granted in my case I guess some say the ugly duckling became a swan and I have good social skills, but I remembered what it was like and for a split second I felt like a part of her. Yeah granted for me middle school was eight years ago, but that is one thing I never forgot was the treatment I was given. This girl first played her violin and it was bad, then she did an encore and I felt bad I looked around us and saw people giggling and looking like "oh no! She's doing an encore!" It was horrible to watch my friend get made fun of. I am glad she did not notice. It is interesting though how we all react to different social situations. This girl needs to work on some things, but so do we all. Some people obviously need to work on not making fun of others if they do not know the situation or where they are coming from. I love the fact that now I can watch situations and help, but it still hurts to see these happen. I guess this is definitely part of psychology. I have a tendency to surround myself with oddballs and what society calls social deviants. I friend them because I used to be one and usually there is more than what is on the surface once you get past their shell. When it comes down to it though we are all social deviants or deviants in general in some way. For example I love to sing in public and do not care who is listening. I also love to feed people. To clear this up I mean I love to cook for people and sometimes I will not even eat my own cooking, but let others enjoy it. I also have a tendency to be really critical of myself but try to keep it low key. Besides these small things I am loud and very blunt. If I have an opinion on something chances are you know it well. Thus in my own way I am a social deviant, but so is everyone else. Others just have a tendency not to embrace their differences as much. They want to fit in, but frankly I think our differences are what make this world what it is.

Friends= therapy

After I finished having dinner at a friend's house I went over to another one's to drop off leftovers. It was interesting though because his roommate was also there whom I consider a friend as well. I find it interesting that when it comes to friends we tend to be each others own free personal therapists. Like tonight I ended up talking to this guy about some difficulties he was having and he was happy to have the food I brought over which he said was amazing. We ended up talking for two and a half hours about what all he was going through and it really made me think. I understand why I am a psychology major is because I tend to be a good listener and I love to give advice. I hand out free therapy by the cartloads and I love doing it. In life though friends are always there for you like I was there tonight to help you out and give you the advice you need and the free therapy that we all need once in a while even if you are a professional. That is why it is interesting that we call friends over the internet friends if we never talk to them and never confide in them at all. They are just people that are there so I wonder what they would do if we did confide in them like we did a person in life. What would they do? They cannot hug us and if we are only using IM they really cannot hear our voices thus we cannot hear the comfort or the tones that talking in person portrays. Even seeing a person is better than simply using facebook because the looks on people's face tell us everything we need to know. Just a fun fact about what I learned today and I am glad to know everyone I talk to I talk to in person and not over messaging.

It's just a ball..... right?

My University tried to break the world dodgeball record today. We had over 1100 people show up and over 200 people came to watch the game. After wards they were handing out free ball to the first 500 people who signed up. I went to claim my ball and my roommate who paid for her ticket, but could not make it since she had become an aunt just a few days before and was out of town. I went to go grab the balls and I got yelled at by a guy for grabbing two. He was trying to impress a girl. Frankly if I was her I would not have been impressed but would have been completely unimpressed. He had just finished the game so his testosterone was high plus the girl situation made it higher. It is interesting though that studies have even shown the aggression levels in things such as sports can raise the levels and thus affecting your behavior right after a game that was as pumped up as this one. Even I know that during a game I tend to get aggressive and am competitive so it was interesting for me to see this usually nice guy's behavior towards me change over a ball. It was just an ordinary ball used in a dodgeball game that did not beat the record. Thus the use of snapping at someone over one is quite interesting to me and shows the influence of games on a person. Although frankly I still love sports and thus will continue to play them, but it is an interesting fact in my mind to what they do to even the nicest of people.

Funny how things work

Last night around 12:00 am I got a skype call. It was from a friend of mine who just recently got engaged and was having some issues. Some friends of his disapproved of his decision to get engaged. Frankly I have seen this couple together and know how much they love each other thus to me their disgruntlement about the engagement is void. Then again they are a couple states away and have not seen how much he has changed. I guess I have to go back to about a year ago and explain. Frankly last year I found this guy creepy and annoying. He asked my ex boyfriend why he never held my hand and got on my nerves. He actually has the title of one of the few people I have ever yelled at and seems quite proud of it. I guess anyone reading this may be wondering why I still talk to him right? I decided to give him another chance. I felt like I was missing something, something big like a huge detail about this guy and it got on my nerves. Thus I gave him another chance. I am glad I did. Since last year he has grown up and has changed. At the beginning of the semester he even apologized for his behavior. Also at the beginning of the semester I talked to him about how things were back home and he explained to me they were not good. Thus me being me I did my best to introduce him to some of my friends and visit him and try to help him out because I noticed he did not really have any that I could see that were up here at that time. This is a decision I will never forget. He thanked me last night because evidently he was having emotional difficulties and he thanked me for being there for him. He told me between me and his now fiancee he does not know if he would be here anymore. I found this interesting that last year I would have cared, but only as a acquaintance. Now I would have lost one of my best friends because he is a really good guy and his fiancee is lucky to have him. I think it is a shame on anyone who finds him "weird" or "creepy" because is is awesome. It is funny how it works though. Sometimes the people you think you would be least likely to be friends with turns into your best friend and the people you think you should get along with you hate. I mean if you think about it though that is kind of how life goes isn't it? We tend to be around people that make us feel good and sometimes we have lessons to learn from them. He has taught me a very good lesson about judging and I am glad to call him my friend. I was glad he could turn to me last night because it showed his trust and I would not exchange that for the world.

Helping neighbors/roommates

This is something I seem to be doing a lot of lately and it is a good thing. It is bringing me joy and I am making friends because of it. In college it seems to me to be a bit of a code to treat your neighbors and your roommates like family and I love it. When someone is going through a rough time it means it is time to whip up a fresh homemade batch of cookies. When someone needs something you are there for them. For example one of my neighbors had hives on her lips and refused to leave her apartment because of it. Lucky for her I know a lot about this subject and came over with cookies, benadryl, and vaseline. As weird as it sounds vaseline will make it go away twice as fast as lotion would. Due to my reaction it feels good to know I made a friend because I was the most help to her. I love the way that made me feel and the fact I got a new friend because I was willing to help and to be a good neighbor. In my apartment right now one of my roommates is basically out of food. I keep finding myself wanting her to eat with me and share my food supply. I love this feeling that I am doing her good and ensuring she does not go hungry. It is never fun to run out of food when you are in college and she is very sporty so she needs the food for energy. Due to the choices I am making everyone in my apartment row knows who I am and knows my good works. I love being known for something good and knowing I can do good even when my life is in turmoil itself.

Opinions

It is interesting that in this world in this day and age all the opinions that arise. I also find it entertaining that I know someone who thinks I am too young to have an opinion even though I am a 21 year old college. Student- then again this person was not around when I was sixteen and was all about helping the invisible children and trying to help save the planet. I love protesting things, but they do not know that about me. What I find interesting is everyone has such different opinions and yet sometimes the strangest things we will share. For example in the middle east the Palestinians and the Jewish community hate each other. They have very, very different opinions, and yet they both are protesting and angry about the fact that certain cities in America are trying to ban circumcision. It is simply interesting the things that bring people together. No this will not stop them from fighting, but it shows a slithering of common ground that has never been seen before. Even here in Rexburg some opinions I have learned to simply keep to myself because I know that others will not agree. Thus there are certain subjects you will find I never voice my opinion even if you think you hear it. Funny thing about the mind it will tell you what you want it to tell you so it will sound like mine, but in reality it may be yours. I think that it what makes life interesting because our different opinions can bring around compromise that can bring around some amazing things. It can bring change which can be good and bad. Also sometimes one opinion can change the world. Thus it is amazing what the mind can bring and I love it dearly. The opinions we have are a part of us, something can eventually change it, but sometimes it is best not to change and sometimes and opinion will never change. They can be unbending as a mountain or spread as quickly as a wildfire,but that is what makes them beautiful. we have opinions about everything and everyone since that is how we think. I love the human mind because of these. Opinion is also part of why I started this blog. Anyone reading this or who has read anything of mine in the past can tell I tend to be quite opinionated. There are things I may never post on this blog, but that is because I do not want to start an uproar and some things it is best just to keep to yourself. In the end though an opinion is something to be respected and in my humble opinion you are never too young to have one. It can be shaped, but it is still there even if it was created by another at some point in time. You can still have opinions of your own even at young ages. That is part of what makes life good.

Being deaf

I find it amusing in this world in this day and age the amount of people that find it amazing when I tell them I am deaf in my right ear and do not wear any device for it. I was born 100% deaf in my right ear and I love it. It is still unknown to the world today why I am deaf and frankly I could not be happier. I have grown from it and it has helped me out. Because I was born deaf I actually got the opportunity to do public speaking in high school. This helped me come out of my shell since I was kind of shy. I am now a very vocal person (hence the blog). Also being deaf is a part of me. No I do not let it define me, but I have to give it credit because it is still who I am and I feel it is more of an advantage to be deaf. Someone reading this may be wondering why. Well the reason is one: I get away with things that a normal person cannot (ex: when I was younger I used to get out of doing my chores with it, I do not do that anymore because I think it is wrong to use it as an excuse or a crutch). Two it is a great conversation piece for when there is nothing else. Three people think I am interesting and cool for being deaf due to no reason.
I still find it interesting that people tend to kind of find it weird that I love being deaf, but in truth i was not always like this. When you have a disability you go through stages of accepting it. Some of us get angry, some try to deny it, some want to try to fix it, and many other things. The last stage for everyone though is accepting it. It is hard, especially if you get teased for it growing up. Luckily for me I never had that but some people have. I went through denial for a long time and I do not regret going through that stage because I realized that it is better to be me than to be someone else because of it. Also because of the denial I worked really hard so I could talk like everyone else, thus I have no deaf accent like a lot of my comrades and only way you can tell is if I tell you. For me this is kind of good because sometimes people try to treat me differently because they call it a disability. I do not think of myself as disabled. In fact I believe I have an unfair advantage of everyone because I have had experiences because of it that most people can only dream of. One of these is the fact that I spoke at Johns Hopkins University and in front of my state senate. Thus making me outgoing. I also have had formal training in public speaking and being a leader. I have met some really awesome people because I have had so many opportunities. Being deaf I also learned the importance of not judging others. In fact I believe everyone is equal in some way (what someone may be better than you at you may be better at in their weakness and so on and so forth.) and sometimes you may not understand someone, but that is the beauty of everyone being different we can learn and grow from one another. No two people are alike. Even identical twins have differences. I also have a deep appreciation for life because of it. Being deaf in my book is by no means a disability. Sure some may have a hard time, but the thing is the difficulties are temporary. You get used to being deaf and then you find the advantages. Granted I do not know what it is like to hear in my right ear, but I know people who were not born deaf. I do not know what I am missing and so for me I love being deaf and I love the worlds I know because of it.
We all have our challenges in life and this I guess for many may be seen as one I have conquered. We can all grow from our challenges if we will allow it and not let it define us. I love being deaf and I love the benefits. It has its challenges but to me these are small in comparison to what I have learned from it. I will always find it amusing when I talk to someone who tries to "fix" me and tell me how to deal with it. I will forever be amused when people start telling me about the technology that is out there for hearing. I know all of them well and none will work since I have a perfect ear and am in the 1% of unknown hearing loss. Thus when someone tells me how to deal with something I was born with I get amused. I think it is cute how animated some people get. Since I am deaf people I guess will always want to try to "fix" me, but how can you fix something that is in that person's opinion already perfect? I am who I am and that will never change even if they do find out what is wrong with me and I eventually do get to hear out of it, it is still something I have had and an experience I have grown from. Being deaf is not a disability, not if you do not let it become one.

Choices

This is something that I tend to be really, and I mean really big on. I believe that everyone makes choices and the fact of the matter of the subject is you can be steered in a direction, but no one can force you to make that choice. Like they say you an lead a cow to water, but you cannot make her drink. I believe this applies to people too.
This topic was kind of brought up with me tonight when I was chilling at a friends house. His roommate was talking about his choices and the fact that everyone at our school tends to think harshly of him for the things he has done. The truth of the matter is no one is perfect, thus some people are working on things others are not and some people are not working on anything and so on and so forth. What these imperfections lead to are the choices we all make. For example talking bad about someone behind their back is a choice. For those people who are LDS a mission is a choice. Some may disagree with me, but it is true. Me even going to college was a choice that I really do not regret.
All of these choices can lead to different directions in your life. They help you to learn and sometimes you have to live a little to learn. That is what life is all about and so these choices we all make are just simply a part of the process of learning. To me these make life beautiful and it is wrong to judge a person based on the choices they make. Especially in the past. The deeper you go back into a person's past then the deeper you may go that you find they may have done something wrong, but they have changed.
You also have to remember that everyone is entitled to their opinion and thus you have no right to judge a person based on something they say. The reason for this is there may be factors underlying their opinion that you may not understand. Thus sometimes it is better to ask why they think something than to simply get mad about their opinion. The reason for this being it is their choice and as skewed as someone's opinion may be there is always an underlying factor to it. Thus an opinion can be seen as a choice that they may have made and so it is better not to simply tell someone they are wrong, but understand why they think that.

Communication

I find it interesting that it seems everyone communicates differently. For example one person I know prefers to communicate by doing things. Frankly I prefer communicating by telling someone and being blunt. I think it works a little better and gets my point accross very efficiently. It is interesting though the things that influence how we communicate. For example you family, your personality, and even your enviroment can influence you immensely without you even realizing it. in psychology also every branch has some way to describe the way you communicate and do the things you do and thus create so many hypothesis that it is very mundane. This is where we have to judge for ourselves what really does make a person the way they are. this is kindof what makes life interesting because everyone communicates so differently. Thus with friends things can get very interesting. For example I just got over a big misunderstanding with a friend because we communicate very differently. I am very vocal and love words. She uses actions that can be very subtle. Also some times she has a hard time approaching people about things and thus it creates misunderstandings that result in anger. i can tell you now these are not fun but then after a few days we realized how stupid we both were being and apologized. I believe the big influence for both of us though is our personalities. she is an introvert and I am not. the thing is though we compliment each other so things work very, very well. Thus it proves that we are learning how to communicate with eachother over time and it is great. According to enviromental psychology they would say it is because we live with eachother and thus the enviroment we are in is affecting how we communicate. I just somply think it is great and I love the fact everyone communicates a little differently because it means we can learn from eachother just like in every situation we can learn. This is simply just one way that we do learn from eachother.

Family history

OK so this is something I am working on. In the LDS world this is really big. I mean big I have a calling in my church for this simply for indexing names into a file base. Basically what I do is I translate cursive and these really old records so the average person can read them anywhere anytime. This makes it easier for us to do our family history. For me this is important concluding my last name is adopted because my great grandfather was adopted. He did not know until his eighties and thus family history has a place in my heart. I believe it is important to know where you come from because those people are a part of you. They make up your genetic code. Also it is actually fun like I found out I am related to the guy who invented the toilet. He made it as a joke. I am also related to Mary Boleyn and my family is old royalty, but we ave lost our titles over the generations. I love knowing where my family has come from and the adventures they have had. It makes my family mine and to me that is important. also in my religion we believe you can be sealed to your family forever. Thus I may know these people in the next life and I think that is pretty cool.

Slack lining

Today for the first time in my life I went slack lining. For those whom have never heard of this it is where you walk on a long rope in the middle of the air. Another name for it is a tightrope. You can see it at the circus and it is amazingly fun. In order to do this you need balance and you need to concentrate as well as have the confidence that you can do it. For those who know me you know very well I am a klutz and I have had more broken bones and stitches than most people. I found it interesting for beginners you need to hold on to someone. Imagine you have to trust someone you may not know very well with your whole entire body weight. You have to be able to trust that they will not move and they will be there for you. Also in order to put a slack line up you have to have a bunch of people pull it tight. It takes real teamwork. It is not easy by any means and until tonight I had no idea what it took. I am in awe how much it takes to just simply walk a line. If you think about it you can relate this to life. In life we need people as much as we need someone to help put up a slack line. In life we also need to trust in order to make it to the end. Even if you do not need help in the end you need help in the beginning to accomplish the goal. Think about it. You may not even remember, but just about every job and everything you do someone helped you learn it now didn't they? Except for your basic reflexes just about everything you do was learned and thus you had to trust someone to do it. In life we all fall down and most of us have had someone to help pick us up at some point. It is interesting with slack lining you have to build confidence and balance in order to get better and in life confidence is important to get by and get that big promotion and what not. Thus if you think about it you can learn a lot from slack lining. I never thought about any of this until I did it myself and now I totally know what I am going to be doing on my Saturday nights when I do not have concrete plans.

Memories :-)

Lately I have been remembering all the fun times I have had with the people in my life. For example I think my favorite memory with my roommates from last winter was when we all slept in the same room after one of us had watched a scary movie. She told her room roommate about it so they got scared. It then spread to our other roommate so we took the cushions from the couch and slept on them. I was the watchdog and made sure it was safe by watching the front door from the safety of the bedroom. We shared a lot of laughter and joy that night. That is why that is my favorite memory with them. For my best friend and the one I call my adopted sister, Leslie it would be that time I made us go down to the creek and first I tested the fallen tree we were using to cross it and then told her it was safe. I then climbed the small cliff and held my hand out for her so she could climb up. She did not take it. She was too scared so I climbed back down and fell in the creek.
The more I think about it these memories say a bit of about our personalities. I always have been protective of my sister and am always the first one to make the big steps in things. I test the waters make sure it is safe and then she follows, but there are times in life when I have held my hand out to have her take a leap of faith and she does not do it. She is very cautious and if something looks dangerous you can count her out. She prefers to play it safe and likes her comfort. With my roommates it came out that we were there for each other. It is interesting how when we look back on memories our personalities come out by how we react. We do not even realize it, but we all react to situations differently. I tend to usually take a protective stance when it comes to my loved ones and will back down to them when it is necessary. I never want to hurt them. When I look back at things I always remember the good times and it makes me happy to know they are there.

Service/ peanut butter cup recipe :-)

It is funny in my life there is always one thing that no matter what will bring me joy. That is service. I love to serve others and to help. It is interesting that by doing this I have found I find a little bit more about myself and I feel more connected to the world. It brings me joy to put smiles on others faces and it makes me appreciate what I have and helps me to realize what I can offer. I never get tired of serving others. Even yesterday it was valentines day and I went and made peanut butter cups and left them on people's doors. I only had one yet I had doubled the batch. I had simply given them all away and I feel happy by doing this and leaving homemade cards with them. Sometimes I wonder because I love to do this so much why it is so hard for others? I understand in a way though because everyone is different. If I was to judge on that then someone else could simply ask me why I am not going on a mission for my church, thus I have no right to judge. The thing is in my mind I think the world would be a better place if we all helped one another and shared our love, if we have any with each other.

Peanut butter cups makes about 24
outside part:
one 12 oz bag of chocolate chips
4 tbs of peanut butter
a pinch of salt
Mix together in a microwave safe bowl and microwave for two minutes stirring after one minute for even heating
Take 24 mini cupcake tins and put about one to two spoons of chocolate inside. You can line the sides if desired for more even chocolaty goodness. Put in the fridge for 20 minutes
Filling:
one and a half cups of peanut butter
2/3 cup of brown sugar
mix together and add more or less of either ingredients until you get the desired texture and taste.
take the chocolate filling out of the fridge and put about one spoonful of peanut butter filling in the middle. Press it down and then stick back in the fridge for another twenty minutes.
Take the cups out of the fridge again and cover the rest of the cups with the remaining chocolate until you can no longer see the filling or until you fill to the top of the foil. Chill for another thirty minutes.
ENJOY!! After eating these you will never look at a peanut butter cup from the store again. Also this recipe is vegan and is actually healthier for you than what you get in the store. I use natural peanut butter when I make these. :-)

Negativity

OK so this is something I know I am personally accountable for, but I am working on. Talking negative. Have you noticed how what you say sometimes can simply bring someone down? Well, I have and I hate it. I hate that feeling and yet we all seem to do it. The thing is when you do this it may make yourself feel better when you are talking about them and lift you up, but then you may see that person later and go "oh no! Not them! Why them?" You do not even realize it but you lose some respect for that person. The people you say that too also can lose respect for you. I know I have lost respect for people because of this and there are some people I simply do not like to be around because they bring me down. It does not even have to be talking bad about someone, but it can be simply complaining about something frivolous like someone made your sandwich wrong in the cafeteria. Or even that good old saying of "UGH! I have soo much homework! Why me? I hate that professor!" Ok if he tells you to write a fifty page essay on the weekend and it is due on Monday with no warning I say yeah I totally agree, but if he gives you a few weeks then seriously I can think of worse things. After we say something like this though what does that accomplish? I mean really what does it accomplish? Granted you feel good in that moment of release, but it is only momentarily. That statement will not get your homework done now will it? Then after saying things like this have you noticed it kind of leads to bigger things? It usually does and then it sucks. Also have you noticed there comes a point where you start ignoring the complainer and then you eventually stop hanging around them? I have and then you kind of lose a good friend. Seriously it is not worth it. I would rather keep my friends and talk positive than lose everyone and talk negative. By the way when you talk negative you also change your thinking to negative.

Love

I think as we get close to valentines day we get so caught up in things that we forget what it truly means to love. To start off with there are three types of love. Empty love (commitment only), infatuation (passion or platonic), and liking(intimacy). When you are in a relationship with someone you go through all three of these or at least two and then combined at some point you hope to get to consummate love. Sometimes this does not happen, but it is hoped and desired for. In a relationship though if at least two of these do not develop then the chances of your relationship making it decline. These three also include every type of relationship we have for someone not just romantic which is passion mixed with intimacy. Friendship is simply liking or intimacy and companionate (or a companion for lack of better words)love is intimacy with empty love. Thus if someone says something about a companion for me up here it could mean a friend like one of my roommates or someone that I am close to and simply lack any passion or infaturation. You see now for marriage which seems to be the golden one up here you need all three types of love or consummate love. Also with love, true love sometimes you can find that at one point you are more on the verge of one type of love than the others. For example when you first get married most newly weds tend to be a bit on the hot blooded passionate side. Older couples are more on the companionate side. All together these loves actually form the love triangle which is why sometimes it may seem that even with friends of the opposite sex we can get crushes on them. It is only natural after all it is simply a form of love. Now then that I have explained what love is and the types of love I can go into the things that tend to come out around valentines day. We seem to forget with this holiday that it is about love, not flowers and chocolates. Those are awesome, I know I always love to see flowers on my doorstep, but we get so caught up with everything. I have heard girls complain about what their boyfriend's did not do for them. They should think of what they did because everyone also expresses love differently so what may seem like a gesture to one person may seem like an insult to another. Thus sometimes as much as the brainwashing of the media may do we need to remember what is really important on this holiday. It is the love that counts even if the gesture may be a bit awkward or something be glad it happened and smile.

First impressions

Ok so I cannot sleep until I write this down. Today I kept coming across a topic that sadly we do quite quickly. In a mere matter of seconds in fact. Our first impressions of someone. Within one second this is made for the good or the bad. We do not even know we are doing it and the effects can be detrimental. For example my first impression of this one person was that they were an arrogant jerk. I take back that statement and have found I misunderstood. Sadly I know my first impression will never go away it will always be there, but I can ensure my future impressions of this person are good. Besides I know people's first impressions of me are not always good. I can come off as mean, arrogant, and very, very insecure. Even reading my older blog posts some may think that of me concluding I started this to deal with a bad situation. I have dealt with it and also I have found that when I go home I tend to get depressed. Thus what I write is affected and thus my first impression installed may come off quite bad. I find it ironic because these are all things I try to avoid doing, yet I come off that way. On the flip side I have come off as extremely intelligent, sweet, and have enough love to fill the world over and over again. Ironically I wish I could say that I am always that way, but I know I have my bad points like everyone else and there are different types of intelligences. I think it is suffice to say by the impressions left by anyone that we can judge a little off kilter. Sadly though as it is it still is human nature to do this and that will never change. I know I am trying really hard not to follow my own first impressions of people, but I do not know if I can say the same for others. After all on deeper thought I would not be friends with my best friend up here concluding my first impression of her was a stiffo who will tell on me for every little thing that I do and has to have everything perfect. For the record that "stiffo" enjoyed waking me up with a whooppie cushion every morning my first semester and makes me look like a clean freak. Funny enough I came off quite badly to her. Yet she is one of my closest confidantes even though I still just wish she would stop hacking my facebook and I am glad this blog is safe so far.

The crossroads

It seems in any place there is that one hangout where everyone seems to go and mingle. I remember in high school we would all go to this shopping center and hang out there. In large communities it seems to be places like the mall or parks. At BYUI it is the crossroads. Hence if you wanna see someone just stick around there long enough. Chances are you will run into them and then you can say what you want to say. For those whom are unfamiliar with what I am talking about the crossroads is basically the school cafeteria, except a lot bigger and is great to cut through on your way across campus. It is interesting though because like any environment everyone has their spots and this is ours. Frankly I love it because I seem to get more homework done when I am surrounded by people since I am an extrovert. When I am by myself I tend to find myself wandering onto facebook and listening to music, or blogging. Right now however I am simply in the library with a couple of friends and no homework. Free time? I think yes! Anyways it is interesting in society how we all tend to mingle towards certain areas. It seems every group has them. I remember when I was in high school they let us sit in whichever place we wanted for lunch. Everyone had lunch at the same time and thus we were not limited to the cafeteria. Thus I found the bulk of my friends sat by the auditorium which was coined the artistic area. I tended to move around and did not have one area, but most people did. I find it interesting how we do not even realize we do this but we just do it instinctively. I know I just simply love to go to the crossroads and I love the large open space and seeing my friends. I wonder though why everyone else goes. We all have our reasons.

Roommates

I have to say this semester I have been very lucky. with roommates it is like playing Russian roulette. You never know what you are going to get. For example last semester I got a roommate whom seemed to over proportion everything and made me feel like I was a little ant under a magnifying glass. We were just too different and we could not make it work. She is extremely clean and I am allergic to cleaning products. Literally I was hospitalized for blood poisoning, toxic shock syndrome, anaphelectic shock, and medical with drawl because of my allergies to bleach and hair products. I became hypersensitive after this and had to go into rehab all because I worked at a hair salon washing peoples hair. Go figure right? Anyways ma and this roommate could not seem to set aside our differences. I tried getting natural cleaners and she tried to ignore the fact that I do not mind keeping my dorm door unlocked when I am home and climbing through the window when she has locked the door. She also liked drama and I prefer to avoid causing or being in the middle of drama.See the differences coming out? Anyways this semester I am lucky, I won the roommate lottery.I have three amazing and I really mean amazing roommates. First they compliment each other and me every chance they get. Second we love to cook together, talk together, and clean together. We get along superb. Our place is open for whomever wants to stop by and I love it. We seem not to judge. In fact we have a no gossip rule which I love. Heck right now I am drinking cocoa and enjoying the company of one of my roommates. I like being able to talk about anything with them and sharing ideas. I love the fact that we are different, but we will compromise on things and we give each other our space. To me this is an ideal situation when living with three girls from totally different backgrounds. I am the happiest I have been in a long time with my living situation. I have my space and I can let my go with the flow attitude go through. I feel like I am rooming with my best friends. I have even started cooking for them without fear of criticism for my "this plus this equals awesome deliciousness!!" and for me as a cooking minor is important. I love also the fact they will compromise with me on it and I can learn more. I love in general compromising with them and being with them. I am truly blessed this semester.

Snow

I love the snow. It dances around twirling and blowing. I think it is beautiful. I love the fact I am surrounded by it and it seems to never go away. I love the snow and the changes in the weather and I think I would go nuts if the weather never changed. I love the way the snow sits on the temple in its magnificence. It seems to decorate the temple and make it more beautiful which adds a smile to my face every time I start to go up a hill and see it lit up. I love dancing in the snow and singing in the snow. You may think I am crazy but I still love it in all its glory and I do not care. I am not used to this type of weather where it sticks and I am glad I know it.

thankful

Everyday of my life I am thankful for the people in my life. I believe people are naturally good and thus we can always improve. I love how people in this world can do so much good. For example peace corp. They are so awesome they do so much good for the world and one day I want to join them in their fight to help this world. I want to be a part of the solution and I am a part of the solution. I am thankful that I can make a difference in the lives of the people around me. It is interesting you never know how much it really helps until afterward. You think you are doing the most minute thing and then you realize that you may have just saved a life. I love this world and the people in it and am proud I can help.

Rexburg

OK I am not gonna lie. I actually like my small dinky little college town. To most people there is nothing to do concluding if you sneeze while driving you will miss it, but I like the small town. I grew up around DC so to me this is perfect because of the nature. I love looking out and seeing the mountains and watching the sunset. I love the fact on the very top of the hill is a temple that I get to see everyday. I also love being around my friends everyday and sometimes goofing off and making myself look like an absolute fool. I love my small town and everything in it. I love the fact everyone says hi to you and will offer you rides from the grocery store without asking for your number or expecting something in return. This is very different for me concluding DC is the third rudest city in the United States and so I find it refreshing.

siblings

The one thing I find I gravitate to no matter what seems to be are my siblings. They are always there for me even if they do not understand what is going on. I love them so much they are the reason i went into public speaking when I was younger. I guess I had better explain things a bit I am the first of three children to go to college even though I am the youngest. My two siblings dropped out of high school. This was their personal choice and I admire them for marching to their own beat even if it may have seemed wrong in the eyes of someone else. The truth is though they have reading dyslexia thus it is harder for them to learn than most people. They do not think like most the people I have met since they also have learning disabilities and are very artistic. It has made me stronger though watching them struggle because I know I do not have it that bad, not really. It is because of them I push myself to the limits to get an education and be the best person I can be. It was for them I graduated high school and did public speaking to the point I ended up speaking in front of the state senate for my state and the board of education and I have spoken at Johns Hopkins University. I have won awards, but they are not important to me because I know my family is proud of me and I made my point very clear. What all this comes down to is behind every person there is something driving them to do what they do. Mine was and is the love I have for my siblings and my defense of them.
Family is to this day one of the driving forces in peoples lives and it is extremely important. Those people whether you hate them or love them shape you. No one can change that. Sometimes it sucks but that is where you learn from the situation. I love my family as dysfunctional as they may seem to others they are a part of me and that will never change. Sometimes they really do not know what it is I am going through because I did grow up differently from my siblings I had more opportunities. I have been trained and grew up sadly quite differently from them because I always had someone to turn to and I had my church and the people in it to help me and shape me. They had themselves and the situations going on at home that I escaped. Granted I have had my trials. I worked to help support my family and I remember times when we did not know what we would eat for dinner or when our next meal would be. These still happen even when I go home from college, but no matter what I will always help them. After all my only disability is I am deaf due to unknown causes. Yes I grew up in the same household as them with a single parent who has been unemployed since I was twelve and has her own disability. Unlike them though I have always had good friends and public speaking as well as school and church to fall back on and they have not been so lucky. They have had their people and we have each handled our lives differently. Our outlooks on life are different and that will not change anytime soon, but I still love them. I may be changing as I am gone and I could feel the fact I grew apart from them while I was home last time, but that does not change anything I still love them. That is my driving force and it may never change until I have my own children to look after then it may transfer to them, but I will always be there for my siblings. I miss them dearly while I am away at college, but I think about them every day and miss them every day. Family is important and having a good relationship if it is likely is important. They are the people who define who you are and help shape you whether you like it or not. They are the ones who have your back. Granted some have their issues. Some may not be good to be around but this is the case with most families and I find it sad that in this age the family unit seems to not be as important to some people and the family is diminishing.

Worrying/ caring

I do not know about anyone else but I am a worrier by nature. I love people to death. I even have a habit of having a place in my heart for my enemies. Thus when something goes wrong you can count on me to worry about them. I do not know why I do this, but I just do and I am sure I am not alone. I guess it is because I love people and I really try to see the good in them and I remember the times I have been in some type of trouble and the pain it left me in. I believe though that we all need someone to care about us. Just knowing seems to make the world a little better because it adds a warmth and can save a life. When you feel like no one cares it puts a darkness in your life that is hard to ignore. Besides in this world, in these days we need to look after each other and help each other. Otherwise how can we survive? It is hard to survive on your own with no one there to care about you. People do it but it is hard. I believe in the long run it is better to care than never to have cared at all and love as much as you can love.

what is important in life

Sometimes it seems we get so caught up in our lives that we forget what is truly important. Especially here in America where we tend to get caught up in our technology and in our work or school or whatever. We never have enough time it seems to stop and smell the roses. I know when I am home from college I tend to do this. We seem to forget it is not money that is important or all those fancy objects in our lives including that brand new ipad or iphone, but it is love. It is our family and the joy of living. We are here on this planet for such a short period of time that we forget that we should enjoy our time and the people in it with us. I know when I take the time to eat lunch out with friends or go to a movie with my family it makes the day go so much better. Even just simply getting out of class and instead of hitting up the library going home and taking a nap to revitalize after a long day just makes life so much sweeter. I love it just when I make time for others in my schedule, but I love it even more when I make time for myself and pace myself as opposed to booking my schedule with everything I want to do. It is much healthier for you than running around and stressing yourself out. Family and friends are important and so are you.

Friendship

Anymore the meaning of a friend is so construed. It used to be so simple and now in the society we live in now I wonder where everyone's heads have gone. In my mind a friend is someone who is there for you. They will never put you down and they are there for you. They will stick up for you and never stab you in the back. A friendship does not have goals nor does it have expectations. A friendship has love and is never overused. You do not use the other and you respect each other. Anymore I am questioned whether or not I am dating so and so because we are friends (even other girls it does not apply to one gender). I have found anymore that for some friends are just those people whom you hang out with. You may not even like them it is just to belong. What is the point? There should be love and you should be with them because you like to be around them. If they make you uncomfortable then once again what is the point? A true friend would never do that to you. Friends trust each other and stick up for each other. In my opinion that is what a good friend does.

The temple

This is probably one of my favorite places to go during the week. It is relaxing and brings my mind to peace. I can think clearly without any interruptions. I am not endowed, so I am limited on what I can do but that does not matter to me. I still love it. I am at peace and that is all that matters. You never know who you will see and it makes me happy when people come with me. We go not just for that good feeling but because it is a good reminder of why we are here and what we need to do and it is an excellent place to pray. Also we can be close to our heavenly Father. I love the fact I can walk to the temple and adore it to no end. I am proud to call myself LDS and proud I can hold a recommend to go.

College

Ok so I am a college student and I go to Brigham Young University in Idaho. I love it dearly and the joys I have with my friends and roommates. I always find it funny though how many people misunderstand the college student. I have heard many myths about us and about my culture. For example I am a party animal because I am in college. Not true I love to study I like to party, but I am never wild. We do not drink so we have hot chocolate and root beer parties. Also on weekends we tend to watch movies or go around town and have some fun. I have never gotten into trouble nor do I plan to. Myth two people at a LDS college are just looking to get married. No this is false I will get married when I want to. Granted some are just here for that, but do not judge us on a select few. That is like judging a book by its cover and so not cool. Also fun facts about my college: we do not have frats or sororities and we take pride in an honor code. We have to be in at a certain time, but that is because when it comes down to it how many people are out late at night and not getting into trouble? It is to make sure we behave and focus on our studies. I am at a strict college, but hey I like it. I love the college student life and the whole idea of it. I cannot wait to graduate but right now I am enjoying my time here.